Hello again! Today has been a very productive day for me! I couldn't say the same for yesterday. I went to the doctor for my arthritis in the knees and they gave a lancaide and steroid shot in the knee cap. Man did it hurt and then to make matters worse they actually hit the knee cap with the needle by accident, so it caused more pain! But now I am ok and the Knee isn't acting up anymore. So I guess the pain was well worth it! My last entry I was doubting the husbands again. Well he came home drunk like before. So we had words and I told him that as soon as I am better he can go back to being single! I was better off without the man in my life. Sometimes no matter how hard you try it just doesn't work because you were meant for a different life. I am less judgemental of his actions, after all it isn't like we are involved with one another. We sleep separate, and live life as though we were roommates. I guess I fooled myself into believing he was actually going to change because of my illness. Now with that being said I move on and don't look back. I had a lady come up to me yesterday and ask me to join her herba-life movement to help me loose weight. I just laughed at the lady and began to ask her questions. I ask what was so wonderful about her product and how did it help her to lose weight. She replied with a whole 30minute sprew about how the product was made from natural products and how it made you lose the weight. I let her continue by telling me that she lost 30lbs in 2months without exercise. How she is full of energy and how much it had done for her personally. I laughed again and she ask what I found humorous? So I gave her my reply....I told her how all that stuff was "natural herbs filled w/caffeine or some sort of upper to give her the burst of energy she needed." Then I went on to explain to her the severe damage consuming that type of product could cause in the long run. (I know because an aunt of mine almost died taking that so called natural product.) Then I went on to explain that without serious lifestyle changes and exercise you could not lose the weight without it coming back. She is selling a fad diet for a temporary fix...Dieting and exercise is a lifestyle change, not a temporary fix! To be successful you must, must change your lifestyle! Otherwise when you finish dieting, you will gain all that weight back and more. At the end of conversation I told her about my success and who I accomplished it....She didn't believe me until I showed her a picture of me taken last year. She left me scratching her head and doubting her product.!
My intentions were not to sway her opinion on the product she peddled but to educate her on the real way of losing weight healthy! I am still judged for being overweight. People see me and automatically want to sell me their gimmicks! No thanks! I am 4lbs shy of being 100lbs lighter in a 8month period! To me that is an amazing job in itself! I have done it slowly but steady...On medical supervision and wouldn't have done it any other way! I am still awaiting my date. Surgery is close and to me it can't come soon enough! The days seem to drag on like eternities! NERVES!!!
My family is finally doing well too! Dad went to the doc and finally got meds that help the pain. He is about to undergo surgery his self and I am really nervous about it! But to my surprise I find myself not eating the nerves as before. Instead I jump on the treadmill and blare the music singing until I am literally out of breathe and can no longer sing! LOL! People upstairs must think I am a nut! However it works for now! I am trying to teach myself other ways to deal with the emotional eating. It is hard and long journey still for me, having bad days and days I just can not resist myself! But I
am becoming more aware! Awareness with action! I can honestly say I am walking the talk!
My family is supportive and my son is actually proud of me! So it helps me fuel the soul!
I still have the days where I am my most worst enemy! Trying to sabotage the progress by negativity. Trying to relive the past thru memories of very bad things happening to me. When I do this I just pray...pray for God to get me thru the hard memories and help erase them by new and exciting moments in my life! My life has been full of very dark days now I need some sunshine....I am trying to make that sunshine!!!
I wonder though...how life will be like in the thin world? I call it the thin world because I have never know a reality that wasn't overweight for me! For now that is all I can do is wonder and dream....Work and sweat to get there and listen to the remarks, the chuckles, and glaring eyes of thin people who judge me because I do not look like them. How I hate it...how it feels so bad...how never again will I be this person! This is the last time that I will have to diet...have to struggle...have to be laughed at! I take my life back! No one can take it from me or ridicule me! I take back my dignity, I take back my smile, and my happiness! It belongs to me and no one else! I am taking back my body!!!!!