What a day! I am up waiting for the husband to come home and have a feeling he is back to his old self! I am not sure if he had to work late, or if he is out and about. His phone is off and I can't call him. I hate waiting! This is where most of my eating problems started. 11 years ago! Waiting, eating, wondering! To my surprise it has not affected me as before. This time I just worry that all is well instead of who is he with. I think the last time we separated I emotionally separated myself from him. Not allowing myself to care about who he sees is a big deal to me. 10 years ago I would have had a fit! Not today! To my surprise I did not find myself in the fridge just mindlessly eating to comfort myself. Instead I got on the treadmill for 30 minutes and put on my mp3 player and sang and walked for 30 minutes. Those who are really close to me know how much I love to sing! Not always the best at it but none the less I like to belch it out like no one's business! I find it to be a sort of theraphy! Any how, I finished that and decided to shower early and get on and talk to myself about how I feel about all that is about to happen to me.
I am becoming more and more anxious, and scared about my phase in the journey I am on! I have been medicine free (except my blood pressure pills) for 2 days. Let me tell you that I have been running a fever all day and have felt like I have absolutely no energy. It is so strange how being without your medicine can affect you as much as taking them. I told me dad today I felt like a druggy! Having the withdraws! LOL! He just laughed and said I was being silly. Despite all my yucky feeling I had quite a productive day. Doing the laundry, picking mom from work, going to the grocery store, and watching my two year old nephew. Now I just ant to cral in the bed! My kid is in his room playing the xbox360 and he came in my room to check on me (bless his heart!) He told me I was being too quiet. So he got worried.
I had a dream last night about going on the operating table...lol! It left me quite concerned, but I know that it is just my nerves getting the best of me.
My diet today was better than yesterday! I only consumed 1500 cals and drank 10- 20oz bottles of water. Which is great! However my feet are swollen from fluid retntion. Not allowed to take my pills so my feet are paying the price!
You know I was talking to a friend of mine on the phone and she told me that she was envious of me for having the surgery. I ask her why? She is also obese and said that I was taking the easy way out of all of this. You think????
How can putting your life on the table for someone to touch an easy way out? How can being on a total liquid diet for 7 weeks be easy way out? How is eating puree food for another 6-7 weeks and easy way out? I my friend do not see this as a easy way out! I see it as a stepping stone ( tool) to use on my journey for getting my treatment for cancer. For ridding myself of obstructed sleep apnea, of taking away the high blood pressure, as addressing the orthopedic problems I have, as preventing my heart from giving out or better yet, from preventing me of having a heart attack, or even dying! So no my dear friend it isn't the easy way out! It is harder! You have to have strict discipline, control of yourself and know where you want to go and why. All of the prosedure has to have a bigger purpose for it to work for you. If not it to will fail like every other diet you do! What happens to you after you lose the weight? Then what???? You can gain every single bit and more back!
Then can you tell me that this is an easy way out? Well the man came home. Just walked in so I guess I better go see what the excuse was now. Till tomorrow>....