Have some free time so decided to come blog. Having the boys drained me a little but i am just glad to get a full nights sleep tonight! I am still waiting to hear from the doctor about the surgery. I have received a denial letter from the insurance and an appeal letter as well. I will appeal it to the last straw if I have to. My life depends on it. My doctors are doing the same and resubmitted the documents that were missing. Hopefully it will not be too long now. I have not weighed myself in almost 3 weeks so i am just a little worried to see if i have gained any weight back. My clothes still feel a little loose. I have dropped officially 100lbs. and have lost 3 sizes. Still not enough to get my procedures done but it is a start. I struggled doing just that!
It was strange going shopping for myself at the store. I threw away some clothes and donated some others. So was left with very few things. Vowing never to go back to that size! I was at a size that I had to order my clothes online. Not being able to shop at regular stores really pissed me off! Ordering and having to wait for them to come a week later is not my way of shopping. So when i walked into Avenue and tried on an outfit that actually fit me...talk about the happy dance! I am not talking about the stretchy pants or cotton blend tee's I am talking about a pair of linen pants! Very nice! So i was happy beyond words. My husband was amazed when i came in a new outfit! He said he could really see the loss with the new clothes.
It made me feel very confident about myself! Just like old days! I can see the old me coming back little by little...but...a new old me! Does that make sense?
The old me full of life but a new me, different in attitude and outlooks...
Wise, and older!
I actually am feeling better about my age as well. 37 is so bad!
I like what my son tells me. He says I am turning into a new fun mom! I want to go to do more things and be more out and about! Before i would just stay home because of the snide remarks people made about my weight. It doesn't bother me anymore!
I feel sorry for those people who are ignorant and can not understand the challenges and sensitives that goes along with the weight we carry!
For some people it can be their demise For others it can be a crutch, and yet others can use it as a tool! Let me explain myself...
For those who let it become them...their demise! That is all they will ever be a fat person. Not being able to see past the weight and the problems that the dysfunctions of the weight create for us.
For those who use it as a crutch...they use the weight as an excuse to just exists in life. Floating in oblivion without cares. Using the weight to excuse themselves from participation in all life has to offer.
Then there are those who choose to use it as a tool...a learning experience! Once they hit rock bottom they come back bouncing back to life.
I think i have experienced every single part of these phases in life! Denial can be a strong hold on someone hen they can't see themselves as big as they are.
I never bought full length mirrors in my house for fear of how i looked. I knew i had a pretty face so i went with that! Never looking at the huge body i carried below it. At 481lbs it never felt that big until a young lady pointed out to her friend how fat i was...and if she were ever that fat she wouldn't leave her house. That is what hit me hard! The comments people made about a self i could not see. Then i was forced to see the real me! The me everyone else was looking at. I never knew my weight in numbers until i started going to the doctor regularly. Then I saw not only the numbers but the effects it had on me.