I can't seem to manage to keep any food down for the last two days! Since dads news I have lost 5 lbs without even trying! Talk about depression!!!!
I was in the room when the first doctor or should i say intern came in and ask my father why did he come to see the doctors. I laughed and spoke up right away! I told him could you please just get the doctor and the report from the biopsy and cut to the chase and not waste my fathers time and yours. He looked at me with a smug face and got up and walked out! Not even five minutes later a doctor came in and asked my father if he remembered him and my father answered "no." He walked out and then all three came back a few seconds later..
By then my nerves were getting the best of me and I was nervously moving my hands and trying to make small talk with dad. They walked in and one sat and one stood by the door and the other walked up to my father. I knew it was bad news!!!
They proceeded to tell my father the reason for a speedy surgery the first time was that they could not biopsy past the growth in the sigmoid part of his colon. the blood work looked stranged and the e.g.d. came out ok! So they went with the sample they took and it came back 100% positive for colon cancer! I saw my father's face change from a happy one to one of horror! They proceeded to tell him they were uncertain to how large the growth was and what organs were already affected. They said they could not grade the cancer till the actual colon and lymph nodes were removed!
My worst fear became a reality! This meant so many thing to me all at the same time! The doctors continue to explained the risk of surgery which included death and how life would be after surgery for him without certain organs if they had to be removed. At that moment they ask me to leave to check him again and proceeded to try to take another sample of tissue! Didn't happen but as I returned into the room my father waited I saw the man who I called daddy for 37 years, the man who picked me up and dusted me off every time I needed it, the man who sheltered me from everything he possibly could break down and cry like I have never seen before! I saw him cry when we lost my brother....but this was different! Trying to console him and not lose it myself he proceeded to explain to me that he has had that pain for many years...he has refuse to see a doctor,,,and he feared the worst...truth be known so do I! He has dreamt his own death! Something I wish he never told me!
Many people get colon cancer! It is a curable disease, however my father refused medical care for many years and when he did finally agree as because literally felt like he was dying! They kept passing him from one doctor to another...have different diagnoses each time. I can't believe after all this this is what it come down to!
Three people in my family battling cancer! How ironic!I feel like the fates are being so unkind to us!
This however puts me at a greater risk for other cancers...when at the genetics counselor I as told that if anyone had to certain types of cancer in the immediate family it was a certain given that we have the mutated gene which allows cancer development. Now with that a reality I am just wondering what next! For certain a mammogram!
The waiting for dads surgery is unnerving! I can't sleep or do anything! I just lay there at night crying! I fear losing him! Just praying to God to let me endure whatever he dishes out! Praying that he gives the doctors the rest and tools needed for Monday mornings surgery! Please God just let him survive! Let this be early and curable! please!!!!