Hello again my son is in bed and I am sleepless so I will continue with telling you my life story...
I left off at when I left my husband...I packed my son's bags and after school we left. I had no money, no gas, and no where to go. My parents home was the only refuge I had. That wasn't so convenient for either me or my son. It would be the first place he would find us. I had no choice! I could not force my son to be homeless just because of my husband. So I swallowed my pride and took refuge at my parents home. This lasted all but two days. (You have to realize, this wasn't the first time he cheated or the second there were other times which I dare not share with you,for they are far too personal.) Having enough bullshit from him and having to hear the lectures daily from my parents why I had left was more than I could bear. My parents were not supportive of the separation however brief it was. The following day he showed up to my parents home. Picked up my 4yr old son and drove home. I had no choice but to go back or lose my son. So I went back. He begged and plead his case to me saying he was sorry and it would never happen again, but I knew it would. I just went along with his charade as long as I could get so money together to be gone.
After this I could not be sexually active with my husband. I just repeated the image I walked into over and over in my head and I could not bring myself to be with this man. Our relationship was very strained after this. We lived tiptoeing around each other for another two months. Hardly speaking to each other and sleeping in separate rooms. (I slept with my son.) Until Sept. of that year. Then something tragic happened. My baby brother passed away. I was forced to make all of the funeral arrangements for him and notify all of our family. My parents could not function! They were in a state of shock. So I being the eldest stepped up and did everything a parent would. The whole time I begged my husband to help me. He would not! I was alone! All alone! With no one to cry with, to lean on for support, for stability when all seemed to break down for me. I gave the eulogy at my brothers funeral and helped my parents thru it all. While he sat back and watch me drown in sorrow. That was the last of it! I was alone and he was off with his lover. So I gathered what little money I had saved, withdrew my child from school, and hid for two weeks in a hotel away from everyone! I had everyone searching for me. Calling my cell phone. I never answered. My son and I were finally free! I was free!
At this time in my life I weighed 435lbs! I didn't care anymore what anyone thought of me! Of what I had turned into! I just wanted to be left alone.
When the money ran out I went home to my parents house. I spoke to my parents and really explained what had been happening to me all those years. They took me in and forbade him to come see me. We remained separate for another year. I allowed him to visit his son while I worked and went on with my life as usual. I dropped 35lbs in two months. I don't know if it was that I could not eat what I wanted,or actually working that help me get my mind off the food. I befriended a very nice christian man who taught me that there was still good men out there! No I did not cheat on my husband....As strange as it may seem to many people we were very good friends! Best friends I would say. This man actually sat me in front of a mirror and told me to look at myself. I did and all I could see was the fat unhappy wife of a cheater! A mother to an unhappy boy who missed his dad and a failed daughter. I started my life in a broken home. Now having passed that to my son was more than I wanted him to ever experience! My mother abandoned me and my brother when we were young (I was 3and my brother was less than a yr.) That my friends is another story entirely different! There is a history which would take me years to write about.
So after having talked to my friend he ask me "what did I want for me and my son in life?" I responded to be and live in a normal happy family. He urge me to talk to my husband and we decided to go to counseling. My husband is an alcoholic. He has been all his life. When he sobered up for two years it was like having a new husband. We decided to move in together again and go for another round. Things went well for about another year and a half. Then the old dog came out again! How could I have been so dumb! Once a dog always a dog! This time he asked me for the divorce. Turns out he was seeing the old neighbor all these years and she finally got rid of the husband so she wanted mine. I said ok! That is when the papers were signed! At this point in my life I felt my whole world crumbling before me. After 10years of struggling with this man it had finally come to an end. All I could do was cry! And of course eat! I gained so much weight after this I ballooned up to 481lbs. I had so badly wanted to make things work out between us for my son's sake. I didn't want him to go thru life like did.
I vowed to never marry again! I will never do so! At 37 years old and so frustrated with relationships you choose to have only one love in your life! My son! The husband moved on and moved in with the elderly neighbor. I moved out with my son into an apartment. Continued to work for another 2years until I got sick. That my friends is another part of my life that has me tangled in a web! I will go into that tomorrow! I am going to bed now. So for all you ladies who struggle like I did, know that there is a rainbow to that dark cloud you have hanging above your head right now.