Hello everyone. Today is Wednesday, April 14,2010. As I sit in the waiting room waiting to be seen by the doctor I think to myself what else? What else is he going to tell me? I often have been told by my doctors that you should have a great relationship with your doc in order to get optimal treatment. I am just tired of seeing them! Giving away blood isn't my thing either, and i have to give them blood every time I come. The same routine every time! I am just done with this and yet I still haven't begun. Does that even make sense? Sure it does...I haven't even begun the journey to treatment of my cancer for the journey I am on of weight loss. I have to lose weight in order for the docs to be able to do something, anything to my cancer. That makes me mad.!!! It will be two years since my diagnoses already and still nothing. All I know is I can not give up! Never!!! My son needs me and I have too much in life that i enjoy! I am not ready to give in nor ready to quit trying! My life has never been an easy one nor do i expect it to ever be. That is what gives me strength to keeping going day after day. On that same aspect I look around and I see so many other people much more ill than myself. I count my blessings! I can walk,sometimes with pain but I can walk! I see people hooked up to I.Vs and all sorts of machines. I am not! Another blessing! I guess I really can not complain nor feel sorry for myself. I just hold my head high and smile. Say hello to everyone and know everything will be alright! My diet has been going great! I am trying to adjust my pallet to those nasty chalky protein drinks that I will have to drink after surgery. I have been substituting breakfast with one shake and eat a normal lunch and dinner. A friend suggested I join Weight Watchers. I am seriously thinking about it! I have joined a small group on face book to help support one another on weight loss. I find this most rewarding because it makes me accountable to them as well as myself. It makes me so much more aware of what I put into my mouth. I think if I join the Weight Watchers program my eating habits can change! I already know why I ate the way I did and what my weight was protecting me from. I now must learn how to change this pattern so I think between the docs and the program I will learn this new behavior needed! I actually parked my own car today and walked the garage instead of taking advantage of the valet parking! I even parked far from the store yesterday and took the extra walk too! Just like Ruby said baby steps add up. She inspires me so much! I see myself in her! It is hard to explain but I know that her struggle is the same as mine only different in certain areas. I encourage everyone to watch her program on Style.