Tuesday April 20,2010
Today was not a good day for me. I received a call in the morning from M.D.Anderson. The lady who was calling me was calling to cancel my appointment with them. I was thrown for a loop. At first I thought ok maybe the doc got sick but as our conversation continued she explained to me that the insurance that I have decided they were now considered "out of network." I've only been going to this hospital for a year now people! How can you sit there and decide one day without notice "oh, let's make this out of network now." You can't just do that! They did! Now I am faced to looking for a new oncologist and all other doctors that I was seeing at this wonderful facility. I spent all day looking for new doctors at a same facility so I wouldn't be driving around all of Houston. Challenging to say the least!! After a long day on the phone and Internet finally found what seems to be a good doctor with a great rep and affiliated to a great hospital. I'm tired! Not physically but mentally drained! Spending all day thinking that I would have to repeat alot of those test, just made my skin shiver! Maybe I need to see this in a positive manner instead of a negative one though. Maybe, just maybe the doctor I will see now can do something for me. As where the other one wanted to wait. I have lost quite a bit of weight since my first diagnoses. So maybe with a reevaluation I could be receiving treatment for my cancer sooner than I think. I could only pray so! I never lose my faith that it could be! I find myself looking into the mirror more often. No not to see how much I've lost...but to remind myself "girl you've come a long way and you still have a battle at hand!" Yesterdays temptation was enough to keep me motivated for quite some time now. Life here at home has changed a little too. My son and I seem to be making a new bond. We are very close now don't get me wrong,but our walks in the afternoons are a great tool for communication between us. I am learning so many things we wouldn't have shared before because I was stuck on the sofa watching t.v. Being physical definitely has it bonus! I've seen him lose a little belly fat as well. He was never obese, but he could have stood to lose like 10lbs. Now he has! Getting outside with me has helped us both! I am very pleased! Now if I could just get him to change his eating habits too...it would be a recipe for a very healthy adulthood! He loves his comfort foods(what kid doesn't?) I'd like to change the kind of food he calls his comfort food,but first I have to work on ME! Lead by example is what I always say and they will follow! Those who know my kid know that he really is the one true love of my life! That is why I push myself harder each day! So that I may live a healthier lifestyle and be able to do so much more with him. Our dream is to go traveling to the Caribbean and to Paris. At the current weight I am now I wouldn't even dream of stepping onto a plane. It would be too humiliating for me. So I wait and keep dreaming. With every pound I lose, with every inch that goes away our dream becomes clear and clearer.....until one day I know it will be our reality! Then I will surely blog to you from our vacation! With pictures so you can see us as well. Until then I sweat and work hard....