Today was just a normal day for me. Nothing out of the ordinary happened! My normal walks in the morning and the evening. The same diet as the day before. So why do I feel more confident today than I did yesterday? Maybe the fact that I put on a pair of pants that I hadn't wore in about a year. Yes a year! I look at myself in the mirror and I can not believe watch I see. I am on my way to a better healthier me. I read other peoples stories and it motivates me even more! To know there are people who struggled with so much more than I have and won. Gives me hope. It puts a light in my tunnel. I sit looking back into my life and trying to reflect my reasons for eating and I discover so many skeletons in the closet. I was once told be a doc that it stems from early childhood and in my case I do believe she was right. I try to analyze all that happen to me and how I responded to the situation (kinda like rewinding a tape.) I see many things that I couldn't then. It took becoming ill and being on my own completely to see what needed to be fixed. I am fixing me now! I am not looking for something to cover up the broken me and putting a happy face just so people think I was happy. I am natural, uncut, and raw! The way God intended for me to see me! I like this new me! I like waking up everyday with a sense that I am creating and molding the new and improved Rebeca Bothi! The one that should have been there to begin with. Not the fat happy girl with child and husband or the happy fat girl dating looking for someone to love her as is! I am now the real me trying to do for me and my son only! Loving yourself is one of the most important tools you need on this journey. If you have no love for yourself then nothing will happen! No weight loss, no love from other, no future! You will be stuck in mud just wallowing in self pity and shame! Don't let that shame and distorted self image get the best of you! We are better than that! This is a long and steep road to climb, but when you get to the top man, oh man! I know it will be worth all my hard effort! I may seem conceded to some, but I do love myself! Enough to create this blog to help remind myself how much I am worth even when many just see the fat! How I dislike that word, FAT! I go tonight with on thought in my mind....I can do it! We will do it!!!!