Today's adventure lead me to the past!.....
That is how I want to start this blog today! Hello, today has been a very emotional day for me! I have cried more today than I have in the last five years put together! Believe me when I say that is a hell of alot of crying! I had an appointment today with the pschy. doc. It is part of a requirement for my bariatric surgery from my insurance. I had what seem to be an eye opening experience! I've learned that my eating habits were emotional! I already knew they were but, when you hear someone else tell you what they hear and see it puts a new perspective on things. This month has been full of roller coasters for me as well as my son! I mention him because all this affects him as much as it does me. My education to a healthier lifestyle is being implemented in my house so now our food choices have changed. The physical aspect of our lives have changed as well. Now I think we are working on the emotional. I have had many demons I had to face today in retrospect to my past relationships. How my first relationship failed because of alcoholism and infidelity, and how I never even gave my second relationship a try. I found the reasoning for this to me at the time to be rational,but it wasn't! This wonderful christian man stood before me with his heart in hand and all I could was runaway! Why you ask? I stood there asking myself the same question and for fear was my answer. One bad experience and illness closed me off from doing the right thing. I found that all this stuff was tied into my eating problem. It wasn't what I was eating,...rather what was eating me. Do you understand? I fed this problem for five years! I didn't indulge in large amounts of food as some people think fat people do. I just ate at the wrong times and the wrong kinds of food. Poor choices in life also meant poor choices in food! Now I reflect on all that I have been thru and the people who I hurt and who hurt me and I grew from the experience. I see my mistakes and my low points but, in the same I saw some high points too. Not all my past was filled with negativity. I had wonderful experiences along the way as well! Now reflecting I will learn not to repeat my mistake and to go another direction when I feel I have strayed off the beaten path. Food is a powerful thing people! I've learned that! It can be for some people as powerful as love! I am privileged to say it wasn't or will never be for me but, again everyone isn't then same. I feel like can full circle this month with myself. I've grown-up in a sense. That's hard to say when you are 37,however true it maybe! When on this road to a healthier person you see things and hear things and do things never imagined! I've gained so much thus far and yet I have so far to go!!!!!!!!!!!