Monday again! It is April 12,2010 and to my surprise I awoke with tons of enthusiasm. Which for me is rare beyond rare on a Monday morn. I reread the blogs that i started earlier last week and I want to clarify something for those who know me. When I refer to a love of a good man, I as not referring to my ex-husband. A nice, gentle, and handsome christian man happened into my life one day. Since that day I have not been the same. He taught me to love myself for who I am! He taught me that I count for something, for everything! That I have a voice to be heard and beautiful face to be seen. I never really thanked this gentleman for doing this to me. For the life he awoke inside of me! For turning on the fire to my soul! So I want to take this opportunity to do so now! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for the love you awoke in me so many years ago. Even though for fear our lives never really connected as I thought God had intended, I know that if he was meant to be we would eventually reconnect. Maybe I am a bit naive, but I believe in fate and destiny. This person was and is the most loving person I have know! Yet he is still single. I wonder why sometimes? A great catch like that would have been gone along time ago so why is he still there? FATE? Who knows only time will tell! All I can say people if I get another chance I don't think I would blow it this time. When I became ill with my cancer I pushed him away, because I knew that he wanted children of his own. So I backed away quietly. Feeling sorry for myself and falling into a depression. I knew the very thing he wanted ,I would not be able to give him. So I hid from the world and turn to food for comfort. I gained quite a bit! Which only worsened my condition and prolonged my treatment. Now I am back on the road he put me on!Ready to fight for my life! When the doctors told me that they could not operate because of my weight it as like slapping me hard in the face! How could I have become this large? Without ever REALLY looking at myself? I just ignored the fact that my size of clothing became larger and larger until I could no longer buy in the stores or even plus size store. I no had to order online only. That's when I knew enough was enough! My breaking point! My epiphany! Now today 27lbs lighter I can shop at the plus size stores again. I am not just restricted to online shops.So yeah for me! And if your doing it too...YEAH FOR YOU TOO!!! Don't let fear put you in place you don't wan to be in. I did for a While and nothing good came from it,but now I AM BACK! STRONGER THAN EVER MENTALLY AND SPIRITUALLY!!!!